Shower Puff

Day 120: Shower Puff

Ah, gifts. Where to start? One could probably have a blog entitled "Gifts: Getting Rid of One Gift, Every Day for a Year" and have something new to write about each day.

What is altruism, anyway? Did you know that gift giving - birthday presents, Christmas - exists only in highly differentiated commercial economies? That our concept of gift giving arose only when money was invented?

A gift is a transfer of property from one entity to another. Property is not itself an object but a social or regulatory relationship to an object or idea. Which makes gift-giving a social or political act, not just a change of address for a particular thing. We all know that intellectually, right? But when you put it that way, it's not surprising that many of us have mixed feelings about Christmas and birthdays.

Anthropologist Bronislaw Malinowski says that reciprocity is implicit in all gift giving. Don't believe it? Test the theory by not saying thank you to someone who's given you a gift. And how do you feel if you put that gift directly into the give-away pile? How do you feel if you re-gift it? How do you feel if someone else gives away a gift you gave them? How long do you need to keep a gift to acknowledge and honor the giver?

I'm reminded of a time when my sister discovered that my father had regifted an iPod to me. By the time he (re)gave it to me, such iPods were selling on Craig's List for $25, worth a little but not a lot. The technology is elegant but not transparent, and my father never found it easy to use. When my sister discovered I had it, she wanted it back. The whole thing felt like a big social snafu.

I've read and reread the last paragraph, afraid I might be publishing something hurtful. How big a taboo is it to admit that a gift was difficult for the recipient to use? That a gift lost value? That a giver still felt ownership after a gift was given? If gift-giving is an uncomplicated, pure expression of love, why would these be delicate topics? Because, giving gifts is more than an expression of love. It is a social and political act.

As I'm sure you've guessed, this shower puff was a gift. From Emma, whose gifts I cherish more than almost anyone else's. I don't use this shower puff, and it's made of my nemesis, plastic, and it smells a bit moldy. While searching for it on Google this morning (another thing I didn't know the name of), I felt relieved when I saw that its price ranges from $.79 to $1.99. But why should that matter? Is it possible still to love and honor one another, yet step outside of the pure gift economy, with all its hidden power plays, environmental waste and good intentions?

It's a challenge. I don't have answers, but I do have a houseful of gifts. Some, I love. Others, not so much.