Wickless Candle

Day 350: Wickless Candle

In the days after 9/11, so many writers, philosophers and leaders spoke and published their thoughts about the event. I remember being moved and impressed that anyone could process such a terrible and momentous event, and communicate about it movingly, cogently and quickly. I remember Ken Pfifer, our minister at the UU, gave a sermon that made me cry.

Perhaps I was in a crying state of mind.

I'm not one of those admirable people who can communicate quickly and cogently about a calamitous event. This last week I find I keep forgetting about the stuff project. It'll be seven o'clock at night and all of sudden, I'm saying to myself, I've got to find something to get rid of and write about it. I've got to do this for XXX number more days, and then I'll be free of the project. Today, the number is 15. Fifteen days.

If it wasn't such a hair's breadth to the end, I'd probably quit.

In fact, we are not in the middle of a calamitous event, but merely a difficult event. Even a painful one. Our family is at the starting point of a long and difficult path. There's nothing to say about it yet.

It's difficult to sit in front of the keyboard, self-reflecting, and to think about much else. Waiting, knowing nothing, worrying, planning and trying not to plan. This is the stuff of these next few days. No insight there. Only waiting.