There are many things I don't miss about having little kids. I don't miss sleep deprivation. I don't miss having to pee but not being able to leave the room. I don't miss trudging along behind an inquisitive two-year old on a slow walk around the block to prevent him from running out into traffic or putting cigarette butts in his mouth. I don't miss elementary school spelling worksheets (I mean, who needs to spell any more?). But most of all, I don't miss birthday parties.
More specifically, I don't miss Chuck E. Cheese, that den of running, screaming seven-year-olds, flashing, pinging video games, and crazed adults in weird mouse costumes. I don't miss Zap Zone, Jump City or Buhr Pool. I don't miss laser tag, paintball or mini-golf. And I don't miss the bowling alley, where conversations are shouted into nearby ears like front row seats at a Bob Seeger concert. Birthday party locations and headaches go together like - well - birthday cake and ice cream.
I also don't miss spending $100 on cheap plastic party bags that the little guests will never use. Or $150 on less cheap party bags that the little guests will still never use. I don't miss dogging the kids to write thank-you notes. I don't miss last minute trips to Toys R Us for those birthday parties we forgot we were invited to. I don't miss worrying about whether we've invited too many kids, or left somebody out by mistake.
The one thing I do miss about kid birthdays: birthday cake. Cake really takes the cake. I like everything about birthday cake. I like baking it: usually a Duncan Hines yellow cake with chocolate frosting, but sometimes a completely-from-scratch carrot cake with cream cheese frosting, celebrant's choice. I like singing happy birthday, a little off-key with poor harmony. I like to see the special light the birthday candles cast on the smiling face of the birthday girl. I like watching the birthday boy try to blow out all the candles. And I like seeing everybody scarfing down and loving that cake.
So long, Colonial Lanes bowling pin with the smeared-off happy birthday wishes.
Spare.
Me.
You know what would make me feel better? CAKE!!!!!
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